Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
