i don't like sucking hair
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
me + whiskey = a bad person
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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