It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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