Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i think i just lost a toe
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
