I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
