I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
