I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
