how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
