get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
