I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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