There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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