guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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