This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
