i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
