so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
