I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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