just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
