I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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