I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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