Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
