My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
