I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
