Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
