Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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