i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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