i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
