pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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