C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Alive.
So much puke
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
