so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
