If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
