so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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