i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
soo... how was my night?
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