I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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