Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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