That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
