Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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