i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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