she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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