i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
