you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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