The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
