Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
