I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
