So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
