i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
