She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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