if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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