I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
