So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
