Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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