I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
