Are we in a gay sports bar?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
