He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
