we're blogging at a bar
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
