that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
