I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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